


Just Breathe

by Blue_Bones



Series: Just Breathe [2]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Emotional, F/M, Flashbacks, Major Character Injury, Memories, POV Third Person, scott pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 12:40:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15143294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Bones/pseuds/Blue_Bones
Summary: He had a good life, after all. He considered. He couldn't feel much. How was it possible? He should have been in pain, but the shock was probably too much even for the pain to reach his brain.E could hear faint steps coming closer, but he couldn’t focus on what was happening.





	Just Breathe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Phoenixstein (harscrow)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/harscrow/gifts).



> So, hi guys! I wrote this as a Scott's POV to "All these words I don't just say" so if you didn't check that out before otherwise, you might end up a little bit confused.  
> A couple of you asked me for a second chapter of that fic, and I might do something a little bit sequel-ish in the future, but for now, I wanted to focus on Scott side of the story.  
> I know that a lot of us knows irl T&S are really good with communication BUT since in their last podcast together they said they still need to work on that, I don't think this is so OOC for the both of them.  
> I hope you'll enjoy this and I hope it's not that flat and emotionless. Let me know!  
> Also, I suggest you listen to Just Breathe by Pearl Jam. Not necessarily while you're reading, but it's an amazing song and it's even more relevant that Nothing Else Metters by Metallica that inspired me for the first one-shot.  
> As always, I don't have a beta, I'm not an English native speaker, so I apologize in advance for any mistake you might find.  
> If you like it give it a kudos and think about leaving a comment. ♡

_Yes I understand_

_That every life must end_

_As we sit alone_

_I know someday we must go_

 

He was going out. He was sure about it. He was going to tell her. Scott was going to tell Tess he loved her. It was scary. The scariest thing he ever thought of doing.

He was coming back from grocery shopping, well, that was his intent when he had found himself reaching for a bar of Lindt chocolate and his brains had snapped. He had to tell T.

Lying was not a good idea for a relationship of any kind, and after all these years, all the ups and downs he was still scared like a baby. Somewhere, in his brain, he was almost sure she felt the same about him, but the irrational, impulsive part of it, was always making him act like a coward.

It was a last minute decision, but he wanted to go home and change and be well dressed and proper to go and tell her. Just because. It was Tessa, after all. It wasn’t a necessity, changing into something nicer, but he wanted to. For the first time in, well, ever.

A sound caught his attention. His door already open. He stopped in his tracks. A woman was yelling and sounded in distress. Without thinking about it, he ran towards the wide open door, just a couple of feet away from his own apartment.  

He could hear a baby crying and screaming. Seconds after registering that, he was just outside the room: a man was holding a gun and trying to steal as many things as possible. The gun was pointed at the baby near the entrance while the mother was frozen in place on the other side of the room.

Scott knew he had made some noise, entering the apartment. The thief whole body turned toward him and Scott took the opportunity to get the baby out of the way and to put himself between the mum with the baby and the thief.

It was an instant. He saw it coming but he could get away from it.

Like a train crash, you can’t look away from.

 

_Yeah I'm a lucky man_

_To count on both hands_

_The ones I love_

_Some folks just have one_

_Yeah others they got none_

 

And, he had a good life, after all. He considered. He couldn't feel much. How was it possible? He should have been in pain, but the shock was probably too much even for the pain to reach his brain.

E could hear faint steps coming closer, but he couldn’t focus on what was happening.

 

_Stay with me_

_Let's just breathe_

 

He was cold and probably dying. And he was full of regret for a lot of things. The first one being was that he didn’t have the time to talk to T.

 

_She was always so nervous, sometimes she would throw up. Sometimes even during practice with Marina. Never while holding his hand._

_He knew something was wrong but he didn’t know what. He was so focused on being a kid he had miss all the signs. Tess being in pain. She was hiding her pain from him. Most of the time from Marina too, but not for the same reasons. That’s what she said to him years later._

_And he was an asshole to her. He didn’t go to see her after her surgery and he didn’t talk to her for weeks, months, because he didn’t know what to say and he didn’t want to say that Marina was trying to pair him up with somebody else. Not after all the pain and the anxiety. she had suffered._

_To take his mind off of things he started seeing this girl, Cassandra. She was fine, but she was a distraction because he had the balls to stop Marina from keeping up with the new partner thing. He was training without a living partner. And he would be like that until Tessa would come back. That was the plan. They weren’t talking but he knew that it was Tess or nobody else._

 

_Practiced on our sins_

_Never gonna let me win_

_Under everything_

_Just another human being_

 

_Tutu T was cold as a stone. They were truly fucked up. And he was his fault. He was the asshole, too scared to dial her number and talk to her best friend for months. He had let her sleep away from his hands, like sand._

_And then Marina went and choose Carmen. Fucking Carmen, for God’s sake. It was like she was asking for drama. And maybe she was. But on the ice, the pent-up rage that Tess was trying to politely hide under the rug, was fuel to the passions of their characters. It was amazing and terrible at the same time. That year their twizzles were sloppy, she was still suffering but she was putting her soul into Carmen. And he was dead. Screwed._

 

_I don't want to hurt_

_There's so much in this world_

_To make me believe_

 

_A lot of things went very wrong after that. And it was a silver after an amazing gold. And he knew it was his fault. He let things go south, without even trying. Pretending everything was ok, letting Marina drop them months before the Olympics. Probably because she was terrible, and mostly because they were terrible and she could see it. She knew they were going to lose and she jumped ship, unofficially, right before the Games, focusing her attention on her other brilliant pair. Their strongest rivals._

_They put up a smiling, polite face, and went with it. They had started seeing a marriage counselor months before. Apparently, Marina didn’t believe thing could be saved._

 

_Thay had decided to take a break, possibly retire. Even if the silver was a constant reminder of how royally they had fucked up. Scott knew, deep in his bones, it was his fault._

_He was focused on his outside relationships, which were a failure after the other, or a painful disaster when he came to think about._

_He messed up so many lives._

_After Sochi, his relationship was mostly with alcohol. He was wasted most of the times and truth be told Kaitlyn didn’t put up with his shit a lot of the time. She called him out and things were a constant up and down for more than a year._

_He was constantly feeling messed up. Broken. Somehow dead inside. He knew it wasn’t just Sochi. He knew and he worked on it. They were working on it._

_He worked to be the man he became after._

 

_She was there when he needed her the most. After a lot of jokes about coming back, they were doing it._

_He broke up with Kaitlyn, wanting to be focused on this comeback. Because it was just for the two of them. Scott and Tessa._

_And after their comeback he could get away with hiding his face on the crook of her neck, sometimes he would kiss the spot. And they would never talk about it._

_He would be extra attentive, extra caring and never ask for anything in return._

_Knowing Tess, it was all very confusing for her, but she was good at compartmentalizing things. And Ice Dance was their priority. His too, because on his way fro practice, every step was a moment closer to him falling in love with this sport, as much as he fell for Tessa._

_Patch knew. Well, to be honest, the whole world knew, after the Olympics. He was shit at hiding things. Always was, but now he wore his heart on his sleeves and T was the only one who was completely oblivious of how much he was in love with her._

_He was good a running away from her, or that was is history on the matter._

 

_Stay with me_

_All I see_

 

When he woke up everything, in his body, was hurting like he had just run in front of a truck. The ceiling was white, he was in a hospital room. A hand was holding his hand, grip so tight it was almost hurting him.

Tessa's hair was a mess, her head was on his bed and she was snoring softly, her body cramped in the most uncomfortable position. Scott smiled down at her.

He was alive. She was with him. He wasn’t going to waste any more of their time being a coward.

He believed in what he had said during a podcast months before. He wanted to be remembered as someone who had the courage to go after the things he wanted, and he wanted Tess. And Tess still wanted him. He understood, now. Watching her face a bit messy from crying and possibly something else. He knew her well enough to see how exhausted she was.

“Tess, Tess, wake up Tess.” He said, his voice thin and raspy.

She was still sleeping soundly. He let his thumb caress her the skin of her hand.

“Tess?” his voice was still barely audible and Tess was a heavy sleeper when she wasn’t restless and knocking at his door in the middle of the night to ask him to cuddle with her. His vision was still blurred but he could see her like never before. Cliché as it sounded even in his drugged mind.

She woke up, startled.

 

_Did I say that I need you?_

_Did I say that I want you?_

_What if I did and I'm a fool you see_

_No one knows this more than me_

_'Cause I come clean_

 

She started crying. Her sobs a bit convulsed, her throat sounded soar. Did she cry a lot? Did he make her cry? It would be the first time. Scott knew that. She had endured some bullshit because of him. They worked hours and hours, before and during their comeback. To rebuilt their trust and to sat down and say things they knew, about each other, but never told out loud, to each other.

  


_I wonder every day_

_As I look upon your face_

_Everything you gave_

_And nothing you would take_

_Nothing you would take_

_Everything you gave_

  


And, still, after all, the messed up years in their youth, and even after post-Sochi Scott, she still put up with his moods and attention, and weird behavior, and his ghost-kisses on her neck, or him patting her butt during practice. Or his general closeness. She never asked what it was about. She waited for him to figure out what he wanted and when he wanted it. And if he was ready.

 

All he could do was caressing the back of her hand. He was still too tired and his body was still hurting.

“I’m here. I’m here, Scotty. I’m not going anywhere.” She said, choking on her own words. “I’m here.” She repeated. “With you.”

He wanted to cry. Tears of joy, surprisingly. He never thought he would see the day. And in the cold hallway, he was sure he was going to die and never see her again.

She was with him and she was telling him she was going to be by his side. He felt it. The weight of her words and they didn’t scare him off. They made him feel like he was going to be ok.

 

_Did I say that I need you?_

_Did I say that I want you?_

_What if I did and I'm a fool you see_

_No one knows this more than me_

_I come clean_

 

“I’m in love with you, too, kiddo.” He breathed. The truth felt like a weight out off his chest. His words felt like he was being put together after years of trying to break himself into pieces. He was looking at her

 

“I don’t think I’m allowed to kiss you, Scott, even if you tried to die on me.” She replied, her voice still a bit broken. And what? He didn’t know what she meant but he would ask her, later.

 

“I want to kiss you, and make love to you, and marry you, T.” He said, because if everything was going to hell, one day, he wanted her to know. She was his soulmate. He was sure of it.

“You are so high, Scotty-boy. You are going to regret this.” She tried to laugh it off, she was scared, probably unsure of his mental state. He was pretty drugged up, but it wasn’t the medication talking. Scott was communicating, no more games, no more unspoken things.

 

“Not this kiddo. Never this. We’ll stop running. And I’ll stop thinking about how much I love you and how much I regret not being with you, the next time I’m about to die.” She paused at that like she was considering a comeback, but his mind was slowly sinking back into a fuzzy replay of the highlight of their life and he was falling asleep, smiling.

“There will not be a next time, Scott.” He heard her saying before he was completely out again. Just for the moment.

 

_Nothing you would take_

_Everything you gave_

_Hold me 'till I die_

_Meet you on the other side_


End file.
